3 Reasons You Feel FOMO When the Sun Comes Out
For some, the first sunny weekend does not bring peacefulness and ease, it triggers a sense of urgency to be doing something Magical and Special at All Times.
Instead of allowing yourself to open to the season, like the flowers and plants around you are doing, an internal narrative starts up:
You should be outside more often.
You’re wasting a beautiful day sitting on the couch.
Everyone else is doing summer better than you.
Maybe you feel an internal struggle: part of you wants to make plans, part of you just wants to stay home and chill.
This isn’t just about being introverted and you probably don’t need to be assessed for depression. There are other dynamics at play and understanding what is happening in your internal system will help you to let yourself off the hook more often and have a few better days this season.
Here are three reasons this time of year can feel unexpectedly hard:
1. Your capacity hasn’t caught up to the season
The world speeds up in the spring and summer, and for those with sensitive nervous systems, that pace can feel a bit intense at first. Your body is on its own timeline, which might match up with the sunny weather, but it might not.
Take a moment, bring to mind whatever Magical and Special Plans you think you should have right now, and notice if you feel any of the following:
a bit of tightness in your chest
a subtle “bracing” feeling when you think about going out or meeting up with people
low energy that doesn’t match what you think you should feel
That’s not a mindset problem and you aren’t doing your life wrong somehow. It’s your nervous system telling you where your current capacity actually is.
As you drop in to the body experience, notice if you feel or hear any phrases like the following:
“Suck it up. Go outside. Normal people would be taking advantage of this.”
From an Internal Family Systems lens, that voice is a part of you trying to push you into a version of life it believes is better, more alive, more desirable.
And from a narrative therapy perspective, the part is speaking from a bigger cultural story:
Summer = freedom, connection, adventure. If you’re not feeling that, something’s off.
Do you see how easy it is to get tangled up in good intentions and false narratives about what you SHOULD do or think?
2. More stimulation ≠ more aliveness (for your body)
There’s this assumption that more plans, more people, more spontaneity will make you feel more alive, but your body doesn’t measure aliveness that way.
Your nervous system is designed to track safety. If your system perceives a threat, it will respond by trying to bring balance to the system. Tough times this winter? Your body is still likely leaning towards rest to try to balance that stress. Feeling lonely or uninspired? Your body might be avoiding stimulation so that you can soothe what is happening right now before adding more to the system.
We’re told life is better if we add:
more social interaction
more unpredictability
more sensory input
more relational energy (including dating, physical closeness, intimacy)
but all of those things stress the system and even good stress can throw you off a bit.
Notice if you feel any of the following:
disconnected during experiences that should feel good, including a strong desire to go home
less present in your body, something to be mindful of as “patio season” often includes drinking alcohol. Notice how much you need substances in order to feel relaxed.
a bit shut down or irritable after being around others, like needing a few days alone to recalibrate after a Big Fun Awesome Thing you dragged yourself to instead of resting
When the nervous system is disregulated, parts of you will step forward to try to prevent further damage. These protective parts will show up in sneaky but noticeable ways:
you notice a part of you that wants to leave the BBQ early, or is counting minutes until its time to leave those patio drinks behind and go home
a part that numbs out, barely paying attention to whatever event you went to
a part that pulls you back from closeness or intimacy, limiting the access others have to you as though you might run out of energy to share
In a sex/relational context, this can show up as:
wanting connection but craving “Netflix and chill” more than, say, a hike and a picnic
feeling pressure to be more available, more open, more “in it” than you actually are
Again, nothing wrong is necessarily happening. What you’re feeling is just your system telling you that you’re giving yourself more information and stimulation than you’re able to process right now.
3. Rest starts to feel like you’re falling behind
There’s a dominant story that gets louder this time of year:
“Finally, life is going to be fun again.”
So if you’re resting, going slower, or opting out, it can quickly turn into:
“I’m wasting this”
“I should be doing more”
“I’m going to regret this”
Even if, on a body level, rest is exactly what you need.
From an IFS lens, this often looks like a critical or urgency-driven part that’s trying to motivate you, but actually creates pressure and self-doubt.
When rest creates guilt and shame, any restorative qualities are lost. Over time, that disconnect between what your body needs and what you make that mean about yourself can make you feel like you’re out of sync with your own life.
A different way to think about it
There’s a difference between avoiding your life and building a life that your whole system can feel present for.
The next time you’re having a tough time enjoying rest on a sunny day, or giving yourself solo time on a beautiful weekend, do a little check in:
What is my body actually saying when I think about going out? Close your eyes, really feel the sensations.
Which part of me is pushing me to do more, and what is it afraid might happen if I don’t go? Parts of us are often kind of dramatic, they make big claims that aren’t all that true. Notice if any parts in your system make grand claims like if you don’t go to the soccer wind up then you’ll be off the team or if you skip paddle boarding with the friends they will stop calling you. Is that actually true?
What kind of connection (social, emotional, physical) actually feels good in my body? If you answer that with activities and relationships that are grounded more in loitering and lingering, can you be ok with that?
What stories about Magical and Amazing Summer Fun can you see as being just a little bit false? What might open up in you if you release yourself from those narratives?
If you want a full life but not at a fast or busy pace, that’s something we can work through.
It is possible to have a beautiful spring and summer season. Use this era and tension to understand your internal systems, the narratives you live by (both those that serve you and those that do not), and what your body is trying to tell you, and you’ll feel more embodied and present in your day to day. Even if that means staying on the couch with a book.